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Question: Pakistani wedding shower, cultural differences, and making myself look like an idiot?

(Posted by: on 2010-08-01 17:56:36)

I received a bizarre request in e- mail once, and I'm curious to see what you think of this. A Pakistani friend was getting married and her bridal party e- mailed the NON- Pakistani friends (a grand total of 4 of us) and said that it is tradition for all of the women at the bridal party to dance for the bride. Then they made up this great idea for us non- Pakistani girls to do a "choreographed " Pakistani dance routine by ourselves. They said it would be a "great laugh " because we wouldn't know what we are doing and that would be the point (I guess for the rest of them to laugh at us). They proceeded to link a few youtube videos on what Pakistani dancing looks like and told us to choose one so that we could learn it and then perform it. Oh and there was also instruction on where to buy Pakistani attire/ clothing for the occasion. I think of myself as pretty open minded to different cultures, and I certainly understand that they might be doing things a little different at the shower, BUT to me the e- mail just screamed "we want to laugh at you stupid white people, it will be so funny when you guys make complete as.ses out of yourselves. " I must say that the e- mail completely turned me off from wanting to go to the shower. I guess that is close minded of me. But I am rather shy, especially in front of a large group of people I don't know, and especially when I am not sure what is culturally appropriate behavior and I don't want to disrespect anyone. But having to learn a dance routine?? Doing it only with the non- pakistani female guests? AND having to go out and buy Pakistani clothing that I'll never wear again? It was a bit too much for me. Thoughts?

Posted by: meow. on 2010-08-01, 17:57:46

DON'T DO IT! No no no no no. Do not do this under any circumstance. You'll only end up embarrassed for the sake of a few idiotic people.

Posted by: Soccerlover9 on 2010-08-01, 17:58:41

Don't do it, you'll just make a fool out of yourself. You are right, they just want a good laugh.

Posted by: The Wiz on 2010-08-01, 18:09:40

Just tell them "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with the idea, so I respectfully decline. I think however, it would be more appropriate if the real Pakistani girls do it, while the rest of us learn a few things about your culture ", or something like that..

Posted by: Shelley on 2010-08-01, 18:18:33

I traveled in Pakistan and my impression of the women was that they were fairly outspoken within their families, very hospitable and inclusive, and not likely (in fact, possibly forbidden) to laugh at guests. I think the idea is more that you have fun by joining in and belonging to the group. It will only be women, and they will be relaxed and friendly. I think they mean to take the pressure off your performance by letting you know it won't be critiqued seriously, but will be all in fun. Seriously, I think they would feel bad leaving you out, but don't want you to stress because of your inexperience. The ''great laugh'' would have been with you, not at you. My Irish sister-in-law is always doing things like that. I'm very shy, and hate it, but I can't mistake her intentions, which are to include me in the fun. That's how I read this. I think you're being warmly welcomed among them and invited to participate. Their culture places enormous importance on hospitality, so they will be trying to make you feel comfortable. Because of the separation of the sexes in traditional Pakistani culture, even shy women relax and enjoy themselves in their family group. They might not understand your hesitation. Can you negotiate, explaining that public performance is not something you're culturally comfortable with, and is there any way your part can be minimized without doing the wrong thing?

Posted by: Miss 6 on 2010-08-01, 18:39:48

Right that's not cool, to make your guest make fool of themselves. It would be different if all the ladies at the shower did the dance. I wouldn't do the dance either and I like to partake in cultural experiences but not for a laugh. Either don't go or just come for a a little bit and leave before the dance or come after the dance.

Posted by: вℓυεzzïє вค๒ץ on 2010-08-01, 19:22:58

That is not right. They want to have their own private laughing show of you guys. So, if I were you I would talk to your fellow bridesmaids and see what they think. But mainly, tell this bride "I apologize, but I do not feel comfortable doing this and feel your reasons for asking us to do this are unclear. So, once again, I apologize, but I do not think I will be participating in that part of the bridal party " You are absolutely right, they are just humiliating you to get a laugh for themselves. It sickens me!!