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Question: I'm not invited to a wedding shower for a friend of mine-what do i do?

(Posted by: mandi on 2007-08-15 13:45:18)

I am throwing a baby shower for a friend of mine, Jane, on Aug. 25th. It's at 2pm. After I scheduled the shower I found out that a mutual friend of ours, Amy, is having her wedding shower the same day, at 6pm. Amy is invited to the baby shower and has already RSVP'd. I was told I was invited to the wedding shower by Jane, but then last week Jane said her shower was cancelled. I asked today why and she told me the truth: its not cancelled, Amy just doesn't want me there. Jane said she's sorry but its not her fault. Now they are going to her party right after the baby shower is over, and I'm not supposed to know it. Am I right to feel upset about this, should I say something to her- or should I just ignore it? How should I act at the baby shower? I am upset that I'm not wanted there, and that they would lie about it. I have known both of them for 15+ years.

Posted by: barthebear on 2007-08-15, 13:58:27

I can see why you would be upset. How you react will show how gracious you are. In other words, even though you are steaming inside, you mustnt show it. Your job is to make certain Jane has a wonderful shower. Thats it!!! Put the rest out of your mind. Later on you can decide who you still want to have as friends. IF you are in the mood and if you can carry it off with a huge smile and really mean it, then as Amy leaves your shower you can say ' I hope you have a wonderful shower of your own now Amy!' Meaning to them that you know its happening and you couldnt care less because who wants to go on to yet another tedious gift opening after just sitting through one? Not sure if you want to do that last bit but you can think about it. Its important if you say it to her that you have no inner fuming or anger, but that you simply dont care. I dont think you are there yet to the not caring part but you may be then. Meanwhile focus on making your shower the best anyone could want and so that by comparison everyone who went to both will know you and yours was the best.

Posted by: Kelly V on 2007-08-15, 13:50:33

Amy is a beitch, don't let it bother you. I will curse her marriage

Posted by: bbsieye on 2007-08-15, 13:51:03

Chill out. Life is too short for this. Be thankfull you don't have to give a present.

Posted by: Bud Ugly on 2007-08-15, 13:53:19

If you want to be the better person, grin and bear it. Don't let on you know anything. Be a good host, and maybe she will realize later what she missed.

Posted by: Buttercup on 2007-08-15, 13:53:35

Ignore it. Better to find out the true face of a "friend " than to waste years of energy and resource on her.

Posted by: The baby penguin on 2007-08-15, 13:53:37

Uninvite Amy, she's a bitch.

Posted by: spadezgurl22 on 2007-08-15, 13:56:00

Amys pretty damn rude to rsvp to your shower and then request that you not come to heres. why not just call her up and tell her the shower is cancelled so sorry! then she knows how it feels to be rude to people that cared about her.

Posted by: Laura B on 2007-08-15, 13:57:18

What a b*tch. I would just act like I don't know anything and get some friends together and go where ever they are going later on that night, and just have a better time.

Posted by: fuzzykitty on 2007-08-15, 13:57:51

It is not your fault that you scheduled a baby shower on the same day. And I wouldn't let it bother me if a bride to be tends to want to act like a child well, there must be other things that you can use the time and money for. She will either get over it or not. Just ignore it , and act like a mature person at the baby shower, Your the host.

Posted by: Wooderson on 2007-08-15, 14:00:27

Wow - that is cold. I was going to say, don't worry about it, but then I re-thought it through. Amy RSVP'd that she would come to your party, but then refused to invite you to hers? Holy sh!t does she have nerve. She's insulting you but then willing to come to your house to the party that you are throwing - and you can't come to hers..... I am usually not in favor of vengeance and petty stuff. If Amy wasn't coming to your party, I would say just write her off as a friend and don't go to hers. Fine. Now, Janet is caught in the middle - and she ended up telling you the truth, so give her a break on this one. But, Amy.... I would un-invite her. I would call her and politely un-invite her. Tell her in a polite and calm tone, asking her to let you finish, but say, "Amy, I was disappointed to learn that you were not inviting me to the wedding shower that you are throwing for Jane. Jane is a good friend of mine, as you know, since I am throwing her party. I feel very hurt that I would not be permitted to attend her wedding shower. I understand that it is because you don't want me there, and I am fine with that. However, that being the case, I feel it is very inappropriate that you attend the shower that I am throwing. So, please disregard the invitation I sent you, and do not attend my party. Thanks, and it has been very nice knowing you. " Be polite. But, don't be a doormat.

Posted by: airforcebride on 2007-08-15, 14:27:17

I would be the better person, no matter how much it sucks. If you throw a fit or cause a scene, even if it is just between the two of you, she will probably be the type to bitch to everyone, and embellish. You will end up looking bad. Instead, I would make sure that you throw Jane a beautiful and fun baby shower. Be sure to include Amy, and act as you normally would to her. However, I would dote on Jane and not allow Amy to even bring up her wedding at the shower. If you hear her, quickly interuppt and change the subject or begin a game if you can, even sit Amy with a group of women she doesn't know. In the end, I wouldn't go to her wedding, but if you do, enjoy the evening, party it up at her expense, and don't get her a gift. After this, you have the choice to end the friendship, and I would highly suggest it.

Posted by: D squared on 2007-08-15, 18:09:48

Yes it is upsetting, but do you really want to be someplace that the host does not want you there? As hard as it is to accept, the host has the right to choose whomever they want to the party. Not saying it is right though. Act as if nothing is wrong, keep your head held high and show your "friend " what a class act you are. Make plans to go out that night and have fun. Good luck

Posted by: wyomugs on 2007-08-15, 19:47:13

WHOA... I lost you some where after the Rsvp and before the 15+ years!!! How complicated is this anyway? Congrats to all of you who actually READ and UNDERSTOOD all that! I thought it was just a simple... I'm not invited to a wedding shower for a friend of mine-what do I do? question... to which my answer was going to be... Don't fret it... if you want to give your friend a gift, go ahead and do it privately and separately. Have a great day!