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Question: Am i ethically expected to bring a gift to both the wedding and the wedding shower?

(Posted by: nelle4health on 2007-08-04 20:40:27)

I have a friend that is getting married in the next couple of weeks. She is having both a wedding shower, the wedding and a baby shower the day after her wedding. I normally would not think twice about getting more than one gift for a friend, but it has started to seem like the two of them don't really care to hang out with my husband and myself. They rarely invite us to hang out with "the group " anymore and when we are invited, it feels like we are the outsiders. Does it seem like I am being selfish or cheap thinking that I may not bring more than just a card to the bridal shower? I am pretty broke right now too; am I etically expected to bring a gift to the wedding shower and the wedding? I really don't know how any of this works at all.

Posted by: notyou311 on 2007-08-04, 20:46:51

Yes. The shower gift is a very small gift while the wedding gift is a bigger one. If you do not feel close to this couple, excuse yourself from both the shower and the wedding. That way you are not obligated to buy gifts.

Posted by: eirama on 2007-08-04, 20:45:26

Do what you can. They will understand. If they get upset you know what kind of "friends " you have, and mabye you should get some better ones.

Posted by: misty on 2007-08-04, 20:46:52

I think you are expected to bring a gift to both. The wedding shower is supposed to be a personal type gift for the bride, usually lingerie or girlie type stuff. The wedding gift is a 'newlywed couple' type of household/ marriage gift (like the typical-toaster, dishtowels, etc) but if you think they don't include you in 'the group' anymore, they are just inviting you for the gifts, then I wouldn't even attend the function if I were you.

Posted by: audrey_d on 2007-08-04, 20:47:02

If you don't feel comfortable about going to the wedding shower don't go, instead of buying a big expensive gift for the wedding you could send small gifts nicely packaged. and if you don't feel like you are comfortable at all then you are not being forced to go to any of the celebrations, just send a little something and a card.

Posted by: StonedNLuv on 2007-08-04, 20:48:25

Yes , buy 2 one small ,one big.

Posted by: Traveller on 2007-08-04, 20:51:06

Bring a gift to the functions that you attend. From your question and comment, why go to any of it at all? It doesn't make sense to me, my time is too valuable to spend time at a shower, wedding, or baby shower for people who don't care for me.

Posted by: kittywhite92630 on 2007-08-04, 21:01:57

Kind of tacky to have a baby and a bridal shower the day after the wedding!!!

Posted by: maigen_obx on 2007-08-04, 21:07:09

They're three separate events, that means three separate gifts. However, if you're broke and aren't that close anymore, you don't have to attend all of these events.

Posted by: DragonHeart on 2007-08-04, 21:10:19

1) If you say she is a friend of yours, she should understand your economical situation of your family. Does she? 2) Normal practice is Wedding shower is supposed to be before wedding.(So there is no ethics to this situation). Baby shower is after marriage of an individual, this is totally non-ethical(If you consider getting pregnant after marriage is ethical). 3)A real friend cares about your situation, and accepts you for what you are. Not expecting you to give more than what you can afford. Gift can be either a card, small handmade gift(like a small quilt for the baby shower) or anything to share the happy feeling of yours with the friend. Friendship is supposed to make you feel better, not stressed out like how you feel. If they are mad at you, I think they've made your job easier by giving you the reason of who they really are, and where they stand with you in the relationship. " A friend in need is a friend indeed. "

Posted by: Jai on 2007-08-04, 22:11:37

Yes you should, but I would just skip one of the events and that way you can save some money.

Posted by: luisamapacha on 2007-08-04, 22:31:04

I know exactly what you're talking about. People throw showers of all kinds and invite people they'd never support if the tables were turned. The best thing to do is get a small token item for each event - one baby outfit, one place setting, etc. Or, get one gift card and explain in a sweet card, almost a bit jokingly "Happy bridal shower, wedding and baby shower! You are one busy woman! Best wishes! " OR something to that effect. Give it to her at the first event, so she understands. People don't miss wedding gifts as much since they don't open them at the event.

Posted by: berry on 2007-08-05, 09:06:51

Since you feel like outsiders with them, why even attend the shower, the wedding and even the baby shower? I suggest you turn down all 3 and move on. Don't give them two hoots.

Posted by: Diaper Cakewalk on 2007-08-05, 09:25:25

It is appropriate to attend the wedding without a gift if you already gave one at the wedding shower, but not the other way around. Don't attend the wedding shower without a gift intending to bring one to the wedding. It may be that you need to offer your regrets for the baby shower if a gift isn't in the budget - that is up to you!

Posted by: hbouhl on 2007-08-05, 21:18:24

Umm it has nothing to do with "ethics " and you said it near your last sentence, you are "pretty broke right now ". So there is your answer, you purchase what you think you can afford and hope that the couple is gracious enough to accept your gift.